It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
