Me too!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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