You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
