im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
