question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
