i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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