apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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