Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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