Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
