im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
