i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
