I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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