I faked an abortion last night.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize