I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize