I'm so fucking centered right now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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