i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
