I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are the jesus of drinking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
