I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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