You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
