my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
