The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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