I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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