Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
