Do you still have your period?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
