Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
