you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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