My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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