did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
