Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
