Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
