True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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