I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
