Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
