If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
