You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize