I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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