i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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