Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
