yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish i was in the wii world.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sext me about skeletons
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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