can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
