She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
