I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
