He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
