My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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