Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
