Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
