We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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