i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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