she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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