I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
