What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
