Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
