just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
