You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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