I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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