Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
