he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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