there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
