The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
