from now on my penis is your penis
it was like eating out sand paper
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
