a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
