Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
