last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
