just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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