I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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