I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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