Im at strip club and am horny
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
