Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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