I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
