his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
