i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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