this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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