the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
