In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
