My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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